Uh oh. The MPAA has just christened the newly minted IT with a hard R rating, which means we’re either going to see a bunch of little boys have sex with one very horny girl, or some seriously wicked scares and gore. Which? I’m hoping for the latter. More on that in a minute.

So way back when in television land there was a miniseries called IT, that was made to cash in on the success of Stephen King’s magnum opus. Tim Curry played the evil clown thing, and a bunch of nobodies played the Losers, or as you might recall them, the gang of kids and grown ups that battled IT down inside the dark corridors of Derry’s underground sewer system.

Back then, television, being a much more sanitized playground, and miseries didn’t occur that often, and places such as Cinemax and Showtime and HBO were the only places you could really see such fare, there wasn’t room for a lot of the cosmic bullshittery and plain old batshittery that fills King’s IT, and other older novels, written when the man was younger and full of vim and vinegar.

Bulllshittery you say? Like IT transforming into a huge spider, or the serious CGI needed to render IT’s cosmogony.

Batshittery like all the kids, even the black one, piling on Beverly in a naked, writhing sickening orgy of kid sex that King himself should have never written. Seriously what kind of fucking drugs would make a grown man write such a scene? I’m a huge fan of IT, and I’ve waited a long time to see a faithful rendition of the novel in televised or theatrical form, but that scene has always sickened me, not because I’m a prude but because King takes childhood innocence and smashes it with a cruel hammer, maniacally laughing the same way he does when he brutally butchers one of his literary creations. Truly, the man has demons dark and wide that fill his days and nights. No wonder he took to the bottle and the pill and the coke to make them either go away or make them brighter and larger for the books he’s written.

Having said that all, and lost my train of thought, I’m looking forward to seeing just what this film does compared to the book. Would I have rather had Frank Darabont do an AMC mini-series in a ten-episode format, with a nice fat little budget? You are goddamned right, dear reader, but I didn’t get that. I got a thousand page heaving novel squeezed through the narrow lens of a two-hour-format film in theaters.

At least they, the creators, directed with an R-rating, because if IT doesn’t deserve an R-rated cinematic treatment, nearly nothing does.