Coming soon to theaters, the fifth, and five-times ridiculous, Sharknado, once again starring that peanut-butter and chocolate combination of absurdity and bad CGI a few people somewhere across the globe, have come to enjoy, although we’re not sure if those few people benefit from illicit drug use, or just defeatist and fatalistic symptoms of tv-side boredom.

Synopsis:

In  SHARKNADO 5: GLOBAL SWARMING,  the mission gets personal for Fin Shepard (Ian Ziering) and his bionic wife, April (Tara Reid) when their young son gets trapped in a traveling ‘nado and transported all over the world. From London to Rio, Tokyo, Rome, Amsterdam and beyond, our globetrotting heroes will seek assistance from a highly-skilled squad of royals, scholars and Olympians, enlisting famous faces from news, entertainment, and sports in their most epic battle yet.

Starring:

  • Fabio (Model) as the Pope
  • Tony Hawk (Professional skateboarder) as a masterful weapons operative strategist
  • Clay Aiken (Musician) as Llewelyn, a cutting edge technology genius
  • Olivia Newton-John (Musician) and daughter Chloe Lattanzi as Orion and Electra, two brilliant scientists who help defend Australia from a looming Sharknado
  • Bret Michaels (Musician) as a visiting artist that gets trapped in the storm
  • Margaret Cho (Comedian) as a fussy bride whose honeymoon is interrupted by sharks
  • Charo (Musician, Comedian) as The Queen of England
  • Gilbert Gottfried (Comedian) as storm chaser Ron McDonald
  • “Today” hosts Al Roker, Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb as themselves
  • Olympic diving medalists Greg Louganis as Zico, a high-end art thief, and Tom Daley as himself
  • Olympic freeskiing medalist Gus Kenworthy and NBC News investigative correspondent Jeff Rossen as themselves
  • Porsha Williams (“The Real Housewives of Atlanta”) as Andromeda, an archeologist and member of the elite “Sharknado Sisterhood”
  • Tiffany “New York” Pollard (“Flavor of Love”) as Vega, a Brazilian black market artifacts dealer
  • Chris Kattan (“Saturday Night Live”) as The Prime Minister of England
  • Cat Greenleaf (“Talk Stoop”) and Dan Fogler (“Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them”) as themselves
  • Ross Mullan (“Game of Thrones” White Walker) as Dr. Wobbegon, a scientist who has made breakthroughs in meteorological studies to track Sharknado storms.

Sharknado 5: Global Swarming floats belly up into theaters August 5th, 2017.