Why the fuck did I pick this movie and news for an article? Dunno. Because it looks stupid enough to criticize, I guess.

So anywho, Leatherface is a prequel to the 2013 flick Texas Chainsaw Massacre and will debut exclusively on DirecTV on September 21, with a limited theatrical release and wide VOD release following on October 20. No wide theatrical release for this piece of shit, which makes sense if you “saw” what the other films made in theaters. Not much. So there’s a slim chance here for Leatherface to make its fifteen dollar budget back via streaming, or video on demand, as if anyone will demand to see this video. It’s also Rated R for retarded.

In any case, here’s the synopsis mixed with casting, which I stole from Collider:

Leatherface comes from Inside and Livide directors Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustillo and shows us the origins of the iconic horror character through the story of four escaped mental inmates. Jessica MadsenSam ColemanSam Strike, and James Bloor star as the escapees, who kidnap a young nurse (Vanessa Grasse) and take her on a brutal, bloody road trip. Chasing them down is a pair of cops played by Finn Jones and Stephen Dorff as Hal Hartman, a deranged Texas Ranger on a mission of revenge against the teenager who becomes Leatherface. The Conjuring‘s Lili Tayloralso stars as the cannibalistic matriarch, Verna Sawyer.

Here are the first few images:


So if you’ll notice the blood doesn’t spatter at all. It’s just corn sugar, water, and food coloring. Bet it tastes good. And it’s just painted on. What did they do? Get hit with a paint roller? It just looks terrible.

In the first image some dude is wrestling with a cop, even though Texan cops don’t wear such uniforms. Maybe they did back in 1970s, in the panhandle region, but not today. So that’s something I would fix. And the blood. No streaming, no smears, it’s just caked on like he laid naked against a freshly painted red wall and rolled himself along it. Pintura Fresca, moron. Plus the gun. A revolver?  Cops don’t still use revolvers. And there’s no blowback from the gunshot, no exploding head cavity, nothing but a slight stream of CGI “blood” listlessly exiting the image’s left frame. How terrible.

Second image is even worse. Same terrible blood, but now the poor chick is pulling herself from a carcass made of cardboard whilst slimed by mud. It almost looks like a bad episode of Survivor: Australia. The animal carcass doesn’t even look the least bit real.

Third image: no mud, no animal carcass, no cops, just three idiots struggling to walk from one end of the frame to the other in a melee of smeared on fake blood, like they just fucked a giant raspberry turnover.

Is this the best the director could do? Even on a zero budget I could have found a decent gun prop and a better uniform for the cop. I could have applied the blood so that it doesn’t look like it was rolled on . I could have filled the animal carcass with chicken entrails if I had to just to get some goddamned realism.

What a terrible-looking film, and it saddens me that there are people out there who will actually watch this trash. It saddens me even more that some morons will enjoy it.